How to Solve The Biggest Problem with Love

20 Jan How to Solve The Biggest Problem with Love

So Close But Yet So Far Away

The biggest problem with love is that we allow our fears to get in the way of it.

When it comes to love and dating, even just the thought of dating can be oh so scary.

I have an older brother who is two years older than me. I’d love to say my brother and I got a lot  beautifully when we were younger, but that was definitely not the case. Admittedly, I was the epitome of the little sister who loved to instigate and push his buttons. I would poke and prod at him until he finally decided he had enough. He gave me ample warnings before he finally decided to pounce on me. I was not a very good fighter so his defense was easy.

He would just take one of his hands that was the size of my face, place it on my forehead, take a few steps back and hold me back.

I would hideously flail my arms this way and that trying to reach him. He would just laugh and as you could imagine, this only fueled my fury. I wanted to reach him so desperately but to no avail. It always ended the same; I gave up from mere exhaustion.

This is what happens when we have fear around love and dating, i.e. being betrayed and hurt again. My brother represents fear. I represent the love and relationship you are craving. We cannot possibly connect with a partner or maintain a healthy relationship when fear is present. We can flail our arms and kick and scream “There are no good men/women out there” all day long, but until you re-frame the fear you have around dating, the love you deserve cannot come to you.

Will I Ever Be Able To Get Rid Of My Fears?

No. It’s impossible not to have fear—so, you must learn how to become friends with your fear(s). You can honor its presence but you kick it out of the driver’s seat and no longer give it the power you’ve been giving it. Fear can only paralyze you if you allow it to do so.

Courage on the other hand, is a muscle. And, like any muscle, you must develop and strengthen it with lots of exercise.

As the old saying goes…”Use it, or lose it.” It’s no different with courage. Use and develop your “courage muscle” by looking fear in the eye and taking action anyway. Each time you take action, the courage muscle gets stronger.

Everyone who experiences any type of greatness and achieves the things they want to achieve experiences and manages their fear. It can be tempting to entertain and even dwell on your fear thoughts, but that will only make you lose momentum.

Re-Framing Fear

Fear can really get in the way of your growth process and your ability to move toward your ideal mate. So let’s re-frame fear for you by remembering these two things…

  1. Fear is simply feedback – Its letting you know that you are at the edge of the life you’ve known.
  2. Having fear doesn’t mean you CAN’T do something, it simply means you HAVEN’T. Yet!

Achieving anything will call you to step outside of the life you’re used to and all that you’ve known; out of your current negative thinking thought patterns and out of your comfort zone. I’m sure you’ve been required to step outside your comfort zone multiple times in your life around your education, your career and even your parenting if you have a child.

The life you want is just outside of your comfort zone. That is where the real magic happens!
Having the courage to move ahead despite your fears is imperative to meeting the mate you want (and deserve). Embrace your fear. There is a big difference between fear having you and you having fear. (Write that down somewhere to keep as a reminder)

When you decide to step towards something you really want (including a mate), fear will be your constant companion. We just need to make sure we have fear, instead of fear having us. You’ve got to be willing to be uncomfortable, at least for a little bit.

Moving Forward

I am sure there have been many instances in your life where you’ve been knocked off your feet with hurt and disappointment, but by completely avoiding those instances out of fear of being hurt again, you are missing out on the good opportunities that these experiences have to offer.

Move beyond your fears and love will be sure to find you.

With love,

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  • Barb Eisenberg
    Posted at 23:37h, 27 January

    Great words! Good advice!!!

    • Jody Agard
      Posted at 12:32h, 28 January

      @Barb, thank you! I’m so glad you enjoyed it.

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