3 Relationship Killers ~ Part One

28 Apr 3 Relationship Killers ~ Part One

It’s one thing to navigate through the early stages of dating, but it’s another to actually be able to maintain the relationship moving forward.

So let’s jump right into three relationship killers that could ruin any good relationship.

Dependence Vs. Independence.

There’s a fine line between depending on your partner and still being able to maintain your own independence.

If you’re anything like me, the thought of my partner completely depending on me for every little waking need feels way too overwhelming (and exhausting).

Don’t get me wrong, I adore my partner and we love being there for one another, but we also know that its healthy not to mesh and mold into one big blob of a being and keep some of our own independence and identities.

At our house last Saturday, we had the pleasure of not having to be anywhere early in the morning—which meant no alarm clocks! (YAY!)

And…both kids had slept over a friend’s house the night before so we had the house to ourselves!

I’m an early riser, even on the weekends.

I actually enjoy working quietly on my computer in the wee hours of the morning before the sun comes up though.

{Pure bliss.}

And this particular morning was no different. I got up around seven o’clock and started my day.

My partner, not so much of a morning person though.

I thought about waking him, but I let him sleep in until 9am.

When I finally did wake him up, much to my surprise he was upset with me that “I let him sleep in so late.”

This led to a bit of a heated discussion.

His view was “You should have known I wanted to get our day started early, we had a lot to do.”

My view was “We never set a time to leave the house and if you wanted to get up early, you should have set your alarm or at least told me you wanted to get up before ___am. Plus, I never signed up for the ‘human alarm clock’ position.”

Needless to say, we recognized this was a mere case of miscommunication and misassumption and we quickly moved on.

What might feel “too much” for you may not be “too much” for your partner.

This is why it’s so important to establish boundaries and openly discuss these topics with one another as they come up. COMMUNICATE!

There will never be a “perfect balance” of dependence and independence in a relationship because as the circumstance(s) of your life fluctuate, so will your level of need.

Your main goal as a couple is to be sure you find a happy medium that is suitable for both you and your partner, and review it often. Ensure it’s one that will allow each of you the time and space you need to be independent as well as dependent upon one another for various things.

In my blog last month, I talked about the importance of not losing yourself in relationships here.

Faster than the Speed of Light

Moving too fast in a relationship is a huge relationship killer.

Why you ask?

Because when you jump right into the romance and “heaviness” of things, you inhibit the relationship from developing a healthy foundation of good old fashion, you guessed it, friendship.

Would you want to build a beautiful custom built home on top of a crappy foundation?

No, of course not.

I imagine you’d want it built upon a solid foundation.

{Nod your head yes so I know you understand}

Building a friendship takes time.

Allow the relationship to romantically evolve naturally, organically.

Don’t let your friends, family, co-workers or even society make you believe you “should” be further along than you are. You set your relationship pace that’s most comfortable for you and your partner and stop worrying about everybody else.

The Past

I had to bring this one up!

Bringing up the past is the mother of all relationship dampers…it will quite literally suck the life out of any relationship if you allow it.

Here’s the deal, it’s one thing to bring up the things of the {near} past in an effort to resolve them, but it’s another to attempt to throw things in your partners face.

I call these “Zingos”.

You know what I’m talking about…

A “zingo” is a statement that appears on the surface to be harmless and casual, but it’s anything but.

Pokes, jabs, you can call them anything you want. Essentially, they are a string of words that are strategically placed to grab your partner’s attention and/or to intentionally hurt your partner.

Why?

To put simply, you haven’t quite gotten over the issue at hand yet and this is your poor attempt at resolving the matter.

Whether it’s something as small as…

“…Like that time you told me my butt looked big in those pants.”

Or something as big as “…Like that time you lied straight to my face about where you were and who you were with…”

It doesn’t matter. Bringing up the past in this manner can be damaging to the health of your long-term relationship.

Once you actually sit down and discuss the problem with your partner and you both agree you’re ready to move forward —then it’s your duty to not bring it up again.

Each partner must be willing to let go of the past.

Keep your eyes forward, not behind you.

Stay tuned for next week’s relationship killers, and of course how to avoid them!

Love and Peace,

~Jody

Want to watch the video of this blog? https://youtu.be/G3VoNq39vDA

 

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