07 Jul Echoes of Your Past
We all have a past. Your relationships of yesterday are very real. As you replay the painful moments of your past, you may find your emotions rising to the surface all over again; as if they are happening now. Feelings like, anger, resentment, pain, confusion, sadness, bitterness may consume you. Seemingly out of the blue your mind wanders aimlessly down those painful roads. You may even find temporary relief just thinking about getting revenge on those who have hurt you.
You can’t help to wonder how you could be so foolish and stupid to believe in love again. “Never again” you tell yourself! From that day forward you refuse to subject yourself to love, the doors to your heart are locked and eternally guarded.
I get it. I once stood in your painful shoes. Opening up to love is the last thing you want to think about after you have been betrayed, especially if you have been betrayed over and over again.
I just want you to understand this: Beyond the pain, beyond the anger and resentment, beyond the sadness and even beyond the bitterness, your soul wants nothing more than to love freely again.
I can hear your heart saying YES YES YES and your mind saying NO NO NO!
But how you ask? How do I open to love again? I’m getting there… keep reading….
We can be grateful for many things; our children, our new car, a roof over our head, food in our mouths, those are all fairly easy things to be appreciate of, right? But have you ever tried to be thankful for the people who have caused you pain, deep pain? Yes. I know I am being bold.
For me, when the pain was so deep that I no longer wanted to be in that place anymore, I began exploring my dark past with a new perspective.
I began going through each and every person who hurt me. For me, it all began with my dad, so I started with him. After all, he was in fact the first man I ever loved. He was the first man I ever trusted. He was the first man I ever received affection. He was the first man I ever looked up to. He was the first man to open his heart to me. The first to tell me I was beautiful. The first to tell me he loved me. The first man I ever adored.
My dad was also the first man to break my heart (and boy did her ever). On May 22, 1992, my whole world was turned upside down when I learned he committed suicide. Needless to say, my fifteen year old heart was shattered into a zillion different pieces and I’ve spent the last twenty years picking them up.
What I’ve learned is this: Every single painful experience I have ever been through has taught me something; about myself and others. The pain I experienced, forced me to make choices.
- I could choose to continue breathing, but not live.
- Or I could choose to live and empower myself.
When it comes to the challenging people (and times) in our lives, begin by asking “Why is this happening FOR me?” Underneath the pain is a valuable lesson your soul needs for growth. If it wasn’t for my dad’s suicide I would not be who I am today. For that, I am grateful. Through the pain of my broken heart, I learned to forgive. I learned to be compassionate for the stories of others, I learned to be understanding and I learned it wasn’t always about me.
Although at first, understanding the “lesson(s)” can be quite difficult and maybe even seem impossible. You may be kicking and screaming initially…and that is perfectly ok because you will get there.
With patience, self-love and practice you can and will heal. You can love again.
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