The End of 2013-Top 3 Reasons Your Life Is Not Where You Want It

31 Dec The End of 2013-Top 3 Reasons Your Life Is Not Where You Want It

Ok so I’m trying this whole writing with my hand thing. It took me an hour to finally get into my writing space and it took me another half hour to get settled in with my laptop, my hot cocoa and soothing beach sounds. When I finally got to the part where I opened my laptop, I suddenly realized it wasn’t charging.  So after several attempts of trying to figure out why, soon the mystery was over. One of the wires appeared to be frayed on my plug.

Needless to say, momentarily, I felt like a carpenter without a hammer. I’m sharing this with you not to bore you with my writing practice, but because life happens.

I had two choices:

  1. Not do any writing for the day.
  2. Write the “old fashion way” and use a pen and paper.

You’re reading this blog, so you know which one I picked. It is so easy to get caught up in the web of life, especially when unexpected things pop up and disrupt your plans (like a broken laptop plug). Instead of reacting and getting upset at the inconvenience of my malfunctional plug, instead, I said to myself “Alrighty then, I guess this means I’m supposed to be writing free hand today.” In all honesty, in the past couple of weeks I’ve thought about writing with a pen and paper because I’ve heard amazing things can happen. The act of physically writing with your hands, as opposed to typing with your fingers is said to activate the right side of your brain. This is the side of your brain that generates creativity. So it can do wonders for a writer. Admittedly, I have been somewhat resistant to this idea because I find (at least when I journal) that I can’t seem to write fast enough to keep up with my words and express my thoughts in a fast, legible way. Not only that, writing cursive has become a rusty skill. As I write these words though, I can see why the slowed process of the physical act of writing is ideal for the writer. So I carry on…

WHISPERS IN YOUR EAR

I know my laptop ordeal was no accident. For those who know me, you know my life motto is “Everything happens for a reason”. Sometimes we get small nudges from the Universe (intuition) to help guide us through life. Often these start as a whisper in the shower and on our way into the office.  “Go to the gym.” “Take that class.” “Rest”. “Start writing with a pen and paper Jody.” If we continue to ignore these small whispers, with time that voice only becomes louder and louder. Until eventually, it becomes so loud that we can no longer ignore it.

THE YEAR OF 2013-THE LAST 365 DAYS OF YOUR LIFE 

At some point today, take a moment and review the year you just had in 2013. What whispers have you been ignoring for that last 365 days? What changes do you know you need to make, but have yet to do so? Do you find yourself saying year after year, “This is going to be MY year!” I ask you, do you sit in the same place you were sitting this time last year? Have you accomplished at least one of the things on your 2013 New Years Resolutions list?

If you are like most, there are some things that fell to the wayside this past year. Don’t be discouraged though. There is no better day to start anew than this very moment. Don’t waste time beating yourself up about it, just choose to take action today and commit to long-lasting change. No more crash diets. In order to be able to truly commit to real change, first we must get to the bottom of what is really stopping you from creating a life you would LOVE…

WHY YOUR LIFE RARELY CHANGES

You might be asking yourself “Why do I do this to myself every year, I say I’m going to do something and I never do it! What is my deal?” Although your past is an important piece of the big picture, I caution you because questions like this can lead to the blame game; either blaming yourself or others for all the reasons why you didn’t {fill in the blank} this year. What is done is done. You cannot change the past, but you can redirect your future at any given moment.

The “busyness” of your daily life is exactly just that. Busyness. Yes we have the normal duties; going to work, taking the kids to the doctor, the dentist, household chores, home/car maintenance, etc. These are all the things that soak up your time, not leaving you with much wiggle room to pull out your lengthy list of New Years Resolutions, much less attempt to actually do even just one of them. As a mother of two, a business owner, a coach and a writer, I know you have an endless list of distractions and interruptions, but you must choose in this moment to no longer allow the time suckers to get in the way of your dreams.

REASON #1-BIG BERTHA

Meet Big Bertha. She is actually the one primarily responsible for each and every dream that has been pushed aside for all of these years.

As she stands before the door to every hope and dream you have ever had, you cannot help but notice the warts covering her weathered face. With her beatty little eyes peering back at you, you notice her raggedy dress and stringy hair resemble something from a horror movie. You wonder where she came from and why she is so adamantly standing in your way.

Big Bertha is that piece of you that doesn’t believe you’ve got what it takes to change. She pulls out all the tricks in the book to try to keep you right where you are; in your comfort zone. Why? Quite simply, because she is comfortable. You may not even realize it, but you are comfortable. Or so you think you are. The life you’re currently living is familiar, you know it inside and out. You have a routine, a system in place that seemingly “works” for you and your family. Big Bertha knows if you start to go after your dreams, it will require that big ugly scary monster called…oh no….CHANGE! Not everything can come with your in the life you envision for yourself and/or your family. Big Bertha knows this. Big Bertha despises change so she is always finding new ways to distract you with the busyness of life.  Why? Because Big Bertha knows that following your dreams will require you to shake things up a bit! It is the fear of the unknown. This is the real reason you have yet to go after all the things your heart desires. The rest are just excuses.

REASON #2-THE PAST

The last {insert age here} years of your life is said to be called “your past”. We all have one, some are just more colorful than others. Mine is like a bag of Skittles! Extremely colorful. Looking back on your past can be a painful thing to do; causing emotions like anger, fear, sadness, regret, guilt and shame to come up. You may have even heard someone say or even said yourself “I don’t like to talk about my past, its too painful.” Or you might know someone who is holding onto a big part of their past, paralyzing them from moving forward. In either of these scenarios, the past is taking up unnecessary space in your life.

As I tell my clients, I will tell you the same…you don’t have a “past”, you have a story. Within your story, you probably have a few chapters that are filled with pain and sorrow, possibly even a few filled with regret, resentment and anger. Regardless of what your story looks like, just know that there is WAY more to you than the story you have been telling.  The painful times, challenging people and moments of uncertainty all have contributed to help make up who you are. Not who you claim yourself to be; a mother, a wife, an employee, etc, but who you truly are and who you are meant to become within the depths of your soul.

If there is something that I am constantly reminding my coaching clients, it is this: Your past does not define your future, unless you decide for it to be so.

You are not your past, all of those horrible things you think you did or failed to do or had done to you, let them go. Right now. They are weighing you down. Free yourself and begin writing a brand new chapter! Commit to no longer dwelling on all of your problems and begin focusing on the things you do want in your life, rather than all the things you don’t. Again, your past does not define your future! Start with where you are, with what you have.

REASON #3-UNFORGIVENESS

If you are living, you have forgiving to do, whether you know it or not. You are human. Its ok. Really understanding forgiveness will help you to release some things of your past and enable you to propel forward. This is a brand new year, so you don’t want to bring the old stuff with you in 2014. That would be like building a brand new custom built home and filling it with all of your worn-out, old, out-dated furniture. You could do it, “technically, but it makes so much more sense to start fresh. Right?

So, as you’re reviewing 2013, ask yourself, “Who do I need to forgive?” Here are some clear indicators as to who you may need to forgive:

  • When you hear the name of a certain someone, you suddenly feel irritated and annoyed.
  • The mere thought of a particular person leaves you feeling anxious.
  • When you replay a painful scenario in your head, you get mad, sad, etc at the person all over again.

Whose name(s) popped in your head? Or maybe it was several faces. The number of people and the level of forgiveness is not important, what is most important is that you decide to set down that baggage. Forgive them. I know I know, they hurt you and caused deep sorrow and betrayed your trust. Yes, those are tough things to forgive. But the hard truth of the matter is that when you hold resentment towards another person because their actions do (did) not meet your expectations, that affects you and your well-being. Not theirs. You cannot change a person, we all know that.

There is a big misconception when it comes to forgiving a person, you may be thinking to yourself…If I forgive this person, they will think they got “away” with something.

Truth: Quite the contrary—you are not condoning nor approving their behavior. By forgiving them, essentially you are saying, “I don’t like your behavior and I do not deserve to be treated this way. I know I am a good person and I deserve better. Being a forgiving person also does not allow you to become a doormat and be taken advantage of either. Whether you are deciding to split from an abusive partner or choosing to leave a job with a tyrant for a boss, forgive and move on.  Forgiving a person frees you from the past and allows you to move forward in a healthy and effective way. Plus, there is no room for all that stuff in the brand new year of 2014.

Tomorrow is the start of a brand new chapter and a brand new year! Stay tuned for Part Two-Actually achieving the things you want in 2014!! You won’t want to miss these action steps!!!!

Please be safe tonight. Happy New Years Eve!!!

~Jody

If you are interested in finding out more about my coaching services and speaking engagements, please click the link below: http://jodyagard.com/coaching-services/

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